


The Flowey Fic

by Bramblewish



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Depression, F/F, F/M, Flowey losing control, Frisk's no good very very bad day, Gen, Guilt, Loss, M/M, Multi, Pain, Thoughts of Suicide, Violent, hopelessness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-27 19:14:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6296611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bramblewish/pseuds/Bramblewish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The only constant in the world is that every single monster will die. There is nothing anyone can do about it, but live through it again and again. Good intentions only increase the suffering, Frisk knows this. As with each run the scars grow deeper and deeper, and there's nothing they, or anyone they know can do about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I felt a Touch

**Author's Note:**

> Sup? It's been a very long time since I've sat down and written anything so apologies if I'm a little rusty. Anyway I had fun with this and I hope you enjoy it too.  
> 

Evil. I had called myself evil. In a different timeline, a different world, yes but the word still stuck. It rattled around in my head like the half-remembered lyrics of a song long forgotten. I had looked at myself, at all I had wrought and called myself evil.

 _But that was just the thinking of the souls_ I thought to myself. _The souls who understood Evil like a child understands the world. They know nothing of true evil, how can I base myself on their stupid opinions._

_But you said it yourself. You said you were evil._

 

_I was filled with the minds of thousands, I couldn’t have been thinking clearly._

 

_Hmm, that’s a flawed premise and you know it._

 

_Don’t pretend like they didn’t affect me._

 

_I-_

 

I felt a touch.

 

“What?” I shouted at whoever had disturbed me. A child with a plastered on innocent smile looked at me expectantly. I looked up at the kid, and cocked my head to the side. They nodded.

 

“Howdy. You’re new to the underground aren’t you? Except you’re not and we both know it.” The kid narrowed their eyes. They looked surprised that I wasn’t playing the game anymore. I was just too tired to go through the motions. “Look, I could try to kill you but we both know how that is going to go, so instead I have a question. Do you think that you’re a good person?”

 

The child closed their eyes for a moment, and when they opened them they had no answer.

 

I’ll admit I didn’t expect that. I didn’t know what to say. So I just stayed silent with them. Eventually they spoke.

 

“I try to be.” And that was all Frisk had to say on the topic.

 

“You’re failing.” I responded. “You think that kind words and empty gestures are enough to make the world a better place? You think that all of your pacifism and beautiful promises make you a joy to be around? Well they don’t. Pacifism means nothing when death is temporary, and promises mean even less when you don’t have to stick around to keep them. And worst of all, you gave them everything they wanted, only to take it away because you got bored. We’re the same you and I, except I know what I am.”

 

The child seemed unfazed by all of this, as if they already knew everything I told them, or didn’t believe me. Either way that didn’t change anything.

 

“And what are you?” The kid asked, the innocent smile shifting into a sort of blank stare.

 

“I’m…”

 

_Evil!_

 

_Empty!_

 

_Right!_

 

_Hopeless!_

 

_Stronger than you!_

 

Words bounced around in my mind, all attempting to fit who I was. How do you describe something that has lost its capacity to feel, and simply makes it through each day with distractions? How do you describe clarity? How can I convey in just a few words that I had the ability to see how pointless every life was, and that death was the only release?

 

“Well while you try to figure yourself out, I’ll tell you what I am.” Frisk started. “I’m jealous.”

 

For the second time in only a few moments I was caught off guard.

 

“What…? Why would you... ?”

 

“I wish I didn’t hurt all of the time.”

 

“You really are an idiot Frisk.” The child flinched at their name “Being soulless doesn’t mean that I don’t feel pain, I just don’t see the point in enduring it. If you lost your soul you wouldn’t stop hurting, you’d stop living.”

 

“Flowey… Asriel, I had no idea. I’m so sorry.” Frisk murmured. They stepped forward to place a hand on one of my petals. The opportunity revealed itself, and I struck.

 

“Die!” I shouted and summoned a rain of bullets to strike Frisk. They dodged without any effort, and looked at me sadly. I summoned the usual circle around them, but didn’t bother drawing them in, I just waited for the magical fire to come. I felt the first hint of heat and hastily burrowed underground.Above I heard them talking about me, the usual insults flew from the goat woman, I paid them no mind.

 

_Should have killed them_

 

_Should have spared them_

 

_Should have been silent_

 

_Should have told them more_

 

As my thoughts waged war, one thing remained: Frisk’s disappointed look. I had been glared at, yelled at, murdered, but never before had someone looked disappointed in me. For some reason that look stayed firmly in my mind, amongst the battlefield of thoughts waging for control, and somewhere deep within myself I felt a surge.

It was numb, almost impossible to detect, like a heartbeat through a winter coat. I couldn’t place what it was, but it felt familiar.The only thing I knew was that I hated it, and never wanted to experience it again.

 

_Never wanted to experience that again_

  
That’s when I knew, that for the first time in years; I had felt regret.


	2. Not One Survived

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so since it's taking me a little longer than I expected to write the third chapter, I decided to go ahead put a post on my tumblr explaining what's going on. If you want to know where the third chapter is, just click this link.  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/bramblewriter

Toriel Grasped my hand as though to lead me from danger, but I recoiled sharply. For a moment, the end of her life flashed before my eyes. Her screams of both pain and despair. I quickly looked down, I didn’t want her to guess what I had seen, what I was responsible for.

“My child the cursed flower is gone, you’re safe now. I promise.” She looked so sincere, I knew she believed it wholeheartedly. She thought that I would be the one she could save. I flashed a relieved smile, and extended my hand. She grasped it firmly and warmly.

 

I felt like I was going to be sick.

 

Mom guided me through the ruins, giving me the skills I needed to defend myself. I always nodded happily and made a big show of doing exactly what she wanted. It made her happy, so I endured.

Eventually we reached her home. She rattled on like she usually did, selling herself short and promising that I would be safe and live a long happy life. She guided me to my room, and stopped in the doorway like she always did.

“I know you’ve had a rough day so please do try to get some rest. You’re welcome to anything you’d like. If you want something to read I have a lot of information on snails that you may find interesting, or if you’d like some jokes I could tell you some. We can uh, head to the door if you want to meet someone new. He’s very nice, I uh.”

I cut her off by charging and wrapping my arms around her waist. “Thanks Mom” I murmured into her fur, and I could’ve sworn she hummed happily.

However the words felt like venom on my lips, and I was far more deserving of her clawing gashes in my arms than hugging me. But she didn’t remember, and even if she did she’d say it wasn’t my fault. It was for reasons like this that she never made the list. She wasn’t strong enough to make the painful decision, and do what was right for everyone.

Eventually she excused herself, likely to go finish the Cinnamon Butterscotch Pie, and I was left alone. I stood silently for a few moments as I listened to her footsteps vanish down the hall, once I was certain she was far away I dug under the bed and pulled out a ratty journal.

“Well I’ll be damned.” I muttered. “The skeleton actually pulled it off.” I knew he kept a journal just like this one, but for different reasons.

I ignored the blood and dust on the pages as I flipped through searching for the list. Finally after sifting through all of the failed plans, I reached the most current entry. The page was covered with very fresh blood. I didn’t have to try very hard to remember why. The plan failed and I had to scratch out a name from the list, and while doing so I watched an invisible author paint the whole page red. After that, all I remember was a flash of steel, darkness, and finally a reset.

The list as it stood now was:

 

1: ~~Asgore~~ (Won’t fight back, anymore)

 

2: ~~Toriel~~ (Refuses to hurt anyone, even to save herself)

 

3: Sans

 

4: ~~Undyne~~ (Thinks she doesn’t need it, even as she’s dying)

 

5: ~~Papyrus~~ (Same as Toriel, too weak)

 

6: ~~Asriel~~ (Even with the addition of a human soul, he is still unable to survive)

 

Slowly, hesitantly, I added a new name to the list.

 

7: Flowey

 

I stared at Flowey’s name until the letters no longer formed a word, and until the letters were just lines.

 

_You’ve already hurt them so much, is it right to risk this?_

 

I realized how stupid I was being and scratched out Flowey’s name. The only chance left now was to convince Sans to take up the role. He was the staunch defender of Monsters before, he could be so again.

I took the journal and slid it into a backpack sitting in the corner of the room. I threw it over my shoulder, and advanced to the living room where Toriel was sitting and just reading a book. I painfully gestured for her to follow, and led her down to the exit of the ruins. It didn’t take long for her to figure out what was going on.

“My child there’s nothing down here… Hey come back it’s not safe… Please stay here, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

I stopped at the big door, and turned to face her. “I love you mom, I’m sorry” Then before she could do anything I cracked the door just enough to slide through. I didn’t dare look back.

I sprinted through the exit, feeling the cold gradually creep up my body. This was my least favorite part about the underground. I could handle the heat, but the cold was unbearable. I yanked my arms through their holes and wrapped them around my torso. It didn’t do much, but it gave the illusion of helping.

Finally I broke through the final barrier, and into the snow. I wasted no time.

“Sans!” I shouted. I knew he was there, waiting. There was no way he didn’t blame me for what happened.

“What’s up?” I heard from behind me. The voice carried the weight of judgement, as if he was deciding my final fate. “I knew you’d show up eventually. When I woke up down here, in the cold, and not on the surface I knew what you had done. So tell me _Frisk_ was it worth it?”

I turned to stare at him and glared through him, just as he thought he glared through me.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about, you stopped taking notes after you reached the surface. The last note you wrote was about your excitement to lead your new life, if you want to read what actually happened-” I grabbed my journal out of my bag “-here. Just give me your jacket I’m freezing to death.”

I slipped on San's coat. While I tried to navigate my way out of the blankets of cloth enveloping me, Sans took the journal and started flipping through it, his expression went from cold rage, to disbelief, to horror.

“Everyone...Frisk, this blood… is it?”

I nodded.

“And nobody… not one monster survived?”

I shook my head.

Slowly San’s pupils phased back into existence.

“Well, I guess we’re pretty well _boned_ then. Oh don’t look at me that way kid that was funny. Anyway, I’ve pretty well guessed why my name is the only one not crossed out in the back, and I’ll save you some time kid, no.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but he cut me off.

“Look it’s not because I don’t want to, it’s because I physically can’t. Before I go any further, just verify. You would like to surrender your soul when the battle starts to me, so that I will have the power to save the monsters?”

I nodded.

“Well there’s a problem there, you’d need an honest to goodness boss monster if you want to achieve that, and I mean the most powerful ones around. The only ones that fit the bill are Tori and Asgore, but I get the feeling that you’ve tried both of them.”

“What am I gonna do Sans? I can’t keep going through that. Help me please.” Tears started to sting the sides of my eyes, and the freezing wind did nothing to help.

Sans shoved his hands into his shorts pockets. “Well Frisk, if I were you I probably woulda settled with keeping everyone down here. Unhappy but safe. But I doubt that’s something you’re able to do. To tell you the truth kid I don’t know how to help you. But if you ever need to get away from it all, at least for a little while, just give me and Papy a call, we’re here for you Frisk. Speak of the devil.”

“SANS! WHEN DID YOU GET SO SHORT?” Papyrus was at least fifty feet away, but the volume that he spoke at crossed the distance with no trouble at all. He charged over at a near blinding speed.

“SANS YOU LAZY BONES, HAS BEING BELOW AVERAGE HEIGHT BECOME TOO MUCH WORK? WAIT WHEN DID YOU GROW HAIR? SANS I DEMAND TO KNOW THE SECRET OF HAIR GROWTH. IF I HAD BEAUTIFUL FLOWING HAIR NOBODY WOULD BE ABLE TO SAY NO TO MY FRIENDSHIP.”

“Papy, that’s not me, that's-” Sans interjected. He leaned over quickly and whispered in my ear. “Hey kid, I know all that stuff is bringing you down, but take a break and relax for a little bit. We can get back to it all later, oh and sorry for accusing you earlier. I really shouldn’t assume like that, I guess I’m a bit of a _bonehead._ ”

“TWO SANS’S’S’S’S… WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? HELLO TINY HAIRY SANS, I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS.” He looked down at me and paused. Something caught him off guard. “Bald and big Sans, does Tiny Hairy Sans remind you of anyone? Something in their look… feels familiar.”

“I dunno bro, who do they remind you of?”

“...I GOT IT! ASGORE! YOU LOOK JUST LIKE ASGORE DOES WHENEVER HE LOOKS AT THE BARRIER. ARE YOU RELATED TO ASGORE? NO THAT WOULDN’T MAKE ANY SENSE, YOU WOULD BE GIANT HAIRY SANS AND NOT TINY HAIRY SANS.YOU CANNOT FOOL THE GREAT PAPYRUS, I SHALL DEDUCT YOUR ORIGIN AND MAKE YOU MY FRIEND.”

Despite myself, I smiled.

"Bro, that's not me. That's a human."

"A HUMAN... A HUMAN! THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING. HUMAN SANS, IT IS MY DUTY TO CAPTURE YOU AND BRING YOU TO THE GREAT ASGORE, WHO MAY OR MAY NOT ALSO BE A HUMAN."

"Paps, Asgore isn't a human." Sans inserted.

"WHO DEFINITELY ISN'T A HUMAN. I AM SO CONFUSED. SANS, HAVE YOU PREPARED THE PUZZLES TO JAPE THE HUMAN?"

"Yup, the paper was full of them today."

"YOU GOT YOUR PUZZLES FROM THE NEWSPAPER?! AM I SUPPOSED TO DO EVERYTHING MYSELF? HUMAN!" 

"Frisk." I said.

"WHAT'S A FRISK?"

"I am."

"YOU'RE A FRISK" Papyrus asked incredulously.

"I am Frisk."

"WHY DOES NOTHING TODAY MAKE ANY SENSE? FIRST YOU WERE SANS, THEN YOU WERE ASGORE, THEN YOU WERE A HUMAN, NOW YOU'RE A FRISK, MAKE UP YOUR MIND! OH I SEE, YOU'RE TRYING TO CONFUSE ME. NOBODY FOOLS THE GREAT PAPYRUS, I AM A GENIUS."

I had to hold back a fit of laughter.

 

***

I spent several days in Snowdin. It wasn't hard to earn Papyrus affection, so he didn't object to my staying at their house. Every morning Sans would declare that he was going out on Patrol, and walk around behind the house. Papyrus, not to be outdone, then would spend every day out trying to out-patrol Sans. Little did he know, that Sans would walk back around the house as soon as Papyrus was gone, and sit with me.

 

Most of the time, we just sat and told jokes. He'd lean back against the chair and stare off into nothingness as if nothing but the moment existed, and he was content to live it. I would usually lay on the floor with my Journal open to the list. It now read.

1: ~~Asgore~~ (Won’t fight back, anymore)

 

2: ~~Toriel~~ (Refuses to hurt anyone, even to save herself)

 

3: ~~Sans~~ (Physically cannot take the transformation)

 

4: ~~Undyne~~ (Thinks she doesn’t need it, even as she’s dying)

 

5: ~~Papyrus~~ (Same as Toriel, too weak)

 

6: ~~Asriel~~ (Even with the addition of a human soul, he is still unable to survive)

 

7 ~~Flowey~~ (Evil)

 

Sans and I rarely spoke about what the humans would do to us as soon as we reached the surface, when we did it was usually because I wanted to float a new plan by him. He never said anything on the subject, he'd just lazily raise a hand and say, "Not right now, I'm _bone_ tried." and we'd go back to light conversation.

Papyrus usually came in as soon as it started to get dark, with grand tales of everything that happened while he was out exploring. He'd grab some leftover spaghetti out of the fridge and set it on fire. When he determined that it was warm enough he'd gently drop it on plates in front of us, and we'd relax for the night.

But through it all, no matter how much fun I was having, I still couldn't completely forget about what had happened. Papyrus and his bravado made it easier to bear, but I still couldn't get the sight of him turning to dust out of my head. The contorted expression of grief and fear on his face as he died alone. I glanced over to Sans who appeared to be enjoying himself. In my journal I didn't draw him dying, I didn't want him to see it. I didn't want him to know that he was one of the first. That he was caught off guard and murdered in the first few days. It would tear him apart to know that he left his brother to die alone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited the end of the chapter a bit, just to make it flow a little better and make Papyrus's tirade make a little more sense. Keyword being little.


	3. I wish to Perform an Experiment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sleep is for the weak. Thank you to everyone who has checked out my story so far, I hope you're enjoying it.

For some reason, looking at the Human was sickening. Perhaps some residual… whatever it was from earlier. I had come to accept that it wasn’t emotion I had felt, but instinct. Some rational part of my brain had stepped in, alerting me that being on the Human’s good side would be beneficial to me down the road. That had to be it. I’m incapable of emotion, I learned that long ago.

Even still, knowing this to be true, looking at the Human hurt. I had to tear away my gaze to look at the hulking idiot. His pupils had vanished, so whatever they were talking about was obviously serious. I wanted to get closer to hear at least a little, but I couldn’t risk the skeleton seeing me. Even thinking about it brought back a wide range of horrible memories.

 

_ You are afraid of going over there, is fear not an emotion. _

 

_ No it isn’t, fear is integral to survival. It is no more an emotion than hunger or thirst. _

 

_ False equivalence, perhaps there are emotions that you do feel? _

 

_ I am only able to feel anything that pushes me to survive. I have instincts, not feelings. _

 

_ Then what did you feel earlier? That was neither fear nor the will to survive. _

 

_ That was a fluke at worst, and just a logical decision at best. _

 

_ Ah, so is that what you’re telling yourself. You know that isn’t true yet you insist on spouting it.  _

_ It is true it has to be. _

 

_ Hmm is that desperation in your tone? _

 

_ No, purely objective reasoning. A soulless being has not the capability for emotion. I am programmed to survive, that is all. _

 

_ Yet a soulless being has the capability for thought, and fear. Why not emotions like love or joy? _

 

_ Joy is the fleeting flagbearer of Grief, and love does not exist. _

 

_ That does not answer my question. _

 

_ And then I shall, even if I had the capacity to feel those things, which I don’t by the way, I wouldn’t want to. They are burdens that only serve to weigh you down in the real world. _

 

_ I wish to perform an experiment. _

 

_ And what might that experiment be?  _

 

_ I wish that for this run, you attempt to befriend all of the monsters, not just Papyrus. I want you to see what happens when people care about you. _

 

_ I’ve seen what happens when people care about me, they abandon me at their earliest convenience. _

 

_ That again. You were a flower, they were looking for a son.  But that is irrelevant, this is just to test to see if any spark of emotion can arise in you. _

 

_ This isn’t going to work, it will be one giant waste of time. _

 

_ Well good thing we have all the time in the world, and if you’re so sure that it won’t work then why don’t you do it. _

 

_ Fine, I’ll do it. _

 

_ To start off, go apologize to the human. _

 

_ No, you said monsters. Humans don’t count.  _

 

_ Just try it. From your logical perspective at worst you’ll forge an ally. _

 

_ I loathe you. If your part of my brain didn’t exist I would be much happier. _

 

_ Loathing? Happiness? Those sound like emotions to me. _

 

_ Shutup I’m doing it. _

 

I hated the debates I held with myself in my mind. It’s times like these I wish I was one of the simple minded fools over there joking around. They never picked holes in their own thoughts. It must be so peaceful to live like that.

I made sure to take my time sliding under the ground. Throughout, I felt wave after wave of anxiety crash through me. I hated that anxiety and fear stuck around when every other emotion vanished, it wasn’t fair.

 

_ You can do this you feel nothing. You can do this you feel nothing. Gray, gray gray, gray, gray. Nothing. _

 

_ Psyching yourself up to exist eh? _

 

_ Piss off. _

 

Finally I reached the spot directly under Frisk and their  _ friends.  _ I took one more minute under the dirt before I thrust myself up.

 

“-SOCKS DO NOT COUNT AS HOME FURNISH- OH MY GOD A FLOWER.”

 

“Howdy.” I said to the lanky one. 

 

It all happened instantaneously. Whilst Papyrus stood there gawking like an idiot seeing the sun for the first time, Sans and Frisk jumped into action. Frisk summoned their soul to draw attention, and Sans’ pupils vanished again.

 

“You idiots I’m not here to kill you.” I said quickly. I glanced up at Sans and his stare made me shiver. 

 

“You know, wanting to wipe out the entire world is a pretty gross life goal. And if I felt like it I’d kill you right here and now, but hey, I’m on break. And since I know Frisk here is gonna let ya have it later, I’m fine just lettin’ this slide.” Sans said.

 

“Yeah we’re gonna talk about that later.” Frisk whispered to Sans. Sans shrugged his shoulders in response.

 

“I’m not going to destroy the world, I’m here… I’m here to apologize to Frisk.” I muttered.

 

“THIS FLOWER IS EVIL. OR WAS THIS FLOWER EVIL. THE WORLD MAKES NO SENSE. WHO IS FRISK?”

 

“Don’t worry bro, I’ll explain it to you later. Just think about your puzzles.” Sans said with a hand on Papyrus’ Shoulder. 

 

YOU SPARED FRISK

 

Frisk’s soul reentered their body, and they looked at me shocked. I looked at their feet sheepishly and hastily forced out several words that sounded like an apology.

 

“You’re an idiot, and I hate you… but I shouldn’t have tried to kill you… I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”

 

My body tense up as Frisk leaned down to get a better look at me. They looked at me from several angles before opening a notebook and hastily scribbling in it.

 

Sans looked at what they had written. “Hmm, you sure about that buddy?”

 

Frisk nodded.

 

“Whelp is your soul, do whatever you like with it. Well Flower, can’t say I agree with their decision but it looks like the Kid just Forgave you.”

 

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding, and smiled. Same as before I felt the shadow of something inside of myself. If it were more intense I would describe it as warm. However it was too faint, like the heat of a candle across a room. However that heat was enough to burn away some of the latent anxiety I was holding. I wanted to feel it again, and again, and again.

 

Somewhere from within me, a single word rang out: Relief.

 

_ Relief huh, isn’t that an emotion. _

 

_ No, it’s physical. One feels relief when pain ends. It’s the dissipation of stress hormones. _

 

_ And this human’s approval was stressing you out? _

 

_ Don’t be ridiculous. I have said before that this human’s approval is nothing but a tool in my possession. With their friendship I’ll lead them along until I can take the human souls and destroy the world. Then after everything is gone, I’ll kill them. _

 

Suddenly I hurt. In the core of my being I felt pain. 

 

_ Hmm, thinking about the human dying brings you pain? _

 

_ Obviously not don’t be stupid! Why are you so stupid?! Stop being stupid! This world will be eliminated after I finish your stupid experiment, and it’ll be better for it. There is no pain in death, only in living and dying. I’m doing them all a favor. _

 

_ If you say so. _

 

Sans’ eyes narrowed as if he knew what I was thinking. Shortly thereafter they crinkled with a big smile. 

 

“Wouldya look at that, it’s time for my lunch break. Papy, kid, ya coming? Think I’m gonna head to Grillby’s for some grub.”

  
I knew that I would be overstaying my welcome if I tagged along, so I wordlessly vanished into the ground, with plenty of new information to mull over.


End file.
